Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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