worst night to have a conscience
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
