Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
