I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize