do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
