He asked me if I "almost moaned"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
