I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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