How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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