Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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