What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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