dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
