Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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