To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
