On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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