i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The feeling are messing with the penis
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
