oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
