every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
