if i can run in heels then i can drive
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize