I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
