Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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