Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
