So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize