I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
