its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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