Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
