yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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