Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
