I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
