Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
