I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
