so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
