evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
