i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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