insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
