3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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