This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
