you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
