I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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