Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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