I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
