My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
