I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
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New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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