Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
