If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
