Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
