College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
