There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
