i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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