smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
