we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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