I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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