i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
