like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
