he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
