you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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