Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
