I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
