if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
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