wakey wakey hands off snakey
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
