Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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