My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
