Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
