So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
a search helicopter?!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
