im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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