I have demons in me.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
