So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
