Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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