i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize