If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
