how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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