I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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