why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
