:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
