i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
