I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
