Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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